So, the countdown to my relocation begins. So many thoughts are swirling through my head in regard to moving that it's hard to pinpoint any one, so here is a sampling of what is, in fact, going on in my head at the moment:
Am I making the right choice? Am I making the wrong choice? Is it absolute lunacy that I will be reverse commuting to New Jersey? Will my life be more or less complicated as a consequence? I did commute back and forth from Somerville to Needham for almost 2 years...a 45 minute drive. I'd rather live somewhere where I'd like to spend my weekends, rather than be trapped in suburbia just for convenience sake. Will moving to another city and starting from scratch set me back in terms of "the plan"? What the hell is the plan, exactly? Sometimes I reflect on the events of my life...my constant moves, my divorce, my various careers, and I truly believe that my plan is evolving in its own perfect way. Other times I think about the fact that by the time my mother was my age, I was developing breasts and buying maxipads for the first time. Does that make me behind schedule? Then I think about the fact that slowly but surely over the course of the past five years, most of my friends have gotten married, bought their first home, sometimes sold it and bought another, had a child or maybe two or three. Those are the times when I start to panic. It's those moments when I take a deep breath, reflect on how far far I've come on my own, and promise myself that things are evolving exactly as they should be. Life will unfold as it is meant to unfold for me.
It's times like this past week that assure me that this is true. Cliche as it is, the universe does work in mysterious and perfect ways. Or maybe it's not a mystery. Who knows? I know, as I've said before, that I've been restlessly contemplating where and what I should be doing since the beginning of time. However, for the past two years, since I no longer had a marriage holding me in place, I've been seriously questioning my options. From my first post separation visit to my friends Jon and Radhika's house in Brooklyn, two people to whom I am in more debt for their love and support than a small third world country, I've been fantasizing about and longing explore what New York might have to ffer me.
Then there was the visit to my other oldest friend Pat and his wife Kerrie's new abode in Queens, that sealed the deal. No, it wasn't based on dreams derived from Sex and the City. These were visits to boroughs! I didn't watch more than two episodes of the show until last year when I worked my way through all six seasons in two months in an effort to curb my social spending. No, it was a desire to try something new and different, to remove myself from my comfort zone, to throw myself into the unknown and, stripped of my knowledge of myself in the context of Boston and my life here, perhaps discover who I really am. At that time, though, I thought it prudent to think twice before making any big changes in the midst of the huge one that I was experiencing. So, I threw myself into my life in Boston, into my friendships, into my life as a single woman, into my rediscovery of my self distinct from another, into my career.
That was two years ago, and, as I toasted the new year on the balcony of an apartment overlooking the Chrysler Building, moments after I watched a laundry list of items I wanted to exorcise from my life literally burn into oblivion, I made the decision that it was the right time for change. I returned from New York resolute in my descision that it was time. I wasn't sure when, exactly, but I knew that the time was near and that New York was the right place. Then, this past Monday, the decsion was made for me, when I was told that it was either lose my job or relocate to our New Jersey office by July 1. I knew that my time was here. This was also a lesson in assertiveness for me. Yes, I could keep my job with the promise of a bright future in the company. Yes, I was being offered a generous relocation package. Yes, I wanted to move. However, if I was going to move at the company's request, and if I was being moved to New York, I wanted to do it right, I wanted to ensure that doing so would be in my best interests personally, professionally, and financially. So, I negotiated for what I needed to make it work. And now I'm moving, and now the countdown has begun.
